Monday, February 25, 2008

I got the student-loan-in-February blues

As if a Monday in February isn't bad enough, I spent a good part of my day reading up on a new account that I am just starting to work on. I have no idea how much of it is confidential, so I don't want to say too much, but I will tell you that my reading consisted of tales recounting idyllic living conditions and photographs that would take your breath away. All for pretty wealthy people.

My question is: How do you get to be that wealthy?

From our modest, albeit quite nice and perfectly located, apartment building, the boyfriend and I have a view that includes absolutely stunning condos across the way. They have huge terraces that are landscaped with potted trees and mini white lights. For city living, it's pretty nice. And yesterday, as we walked to the subway, I saw someone actually exiting one of the doors from the condo. I wanted to grab this woman and say, "How!? How do you afford to live there!? And can we be your friends, so you can invite us for BBQs and give us really expensive presents?" (I doubt that she would have gone for that last part, considering our extensive age difference and, you know, the fact that I had grabbed her and all.)

The streets in our neighborhood are a whole other dream world. Huge old stone homes. And a few blocks further, huge old stone mansions! It just doesn't compute in my little brain and even littler bank account.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and whisper a few things in my 12-year-old ear: "Study harder. Choose a career more wisely. Put some money in the bank and leave it there!" But then, I would probably change my whole path. Maybe I would have eschewed my unbelievably excellent high school experiences at an arts school for a miserable existence amid the jocks at a school closer to home. I probably would have stayed in BC with my family when we moved, maybe even attending university out there. It's a wonderful thought to think I'd still be close by them, but maybe I would never have developed my independence and become forever afraid of spreading my wings. I could have ended up in a great paying job when I was 23, but maybe I'd already be burnt out and spend every day wondering "what if I'd followed the music?" I'd never have sung on the radio, toured Canada and the Med performing, lived in PEI for a summer, received a fat, funny cat as a gift. I wouldn't have ended up doing a post-grad course at 29, meaning I never would have met my friend who encouraged me to give online dating one more try, so they boyfriend wouldn't be facing life by my side.

I'm sure in the alternate universe, the one where I made different decisions - some better and some worse - there are lots of wonderful things. But would I ever be willing to give up all the great stuff I've experienced and received in this life to see what that one has to offer? Just for a potentially financially wealthy life?

No. I guess not. I know not. I can see the wealth in my life, even it it doesn't come with mountain views or closets full of clothes or a house to call a home. And I'm going to hang on to what I've got.

But dammit, I'll be glad when February is over and this g-d debt is gone!!

Total debt: $9990 plus some more
Spent today: $2.50ish (Some groceries.)

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