Since I'm being so honest about my tenuous relationship with money, I thought you guys should know a bit more of the story. You see, as bad as it is to owe $11,000+, I was in a much worse position not that long ago.
When I finished my post-grad program, I had two loans. One was for $7,000+ and one was for $14,000+. But the real problem I was having was dealing with my $8000 line of credit. I wasn't struggling with my credit card, but that was only because my line of credit was attached to my interac card. Why mess with the middle man when you can go right to the source? Anyway, I was making small payments on both my loans and big payments on my line of credit, because it had the highest interest rate. The trouble was that I didn't stop USING my line of credit. So I'd pay it down a bit and it would shoot right back up. It was a total crutch and I couldn't seem to make it through the month without charging all sorts of stuff on it.
Most of the time I would go about my life with my head happily buried in the sand. I didn't think about my debt and it didn't think about me. But every once in a while I would look up and suddenly realize that there was no end in sight. I would become so overwhelmed by the bleak image of my financial future and promptly break down. Now, those of you who know me personally know that I am pretty damn happy almost all of the time. In fact, I have been known to annoy people with my unwaveringly sunny disposition. But these realizations would reduce me to a depressed, blubbering mess. And the lovely man that is my partner in crime would offer to give me a loan to help me out.
And I said no. Several times. Come on, can you think of a WORSE idea!? I may not have learned about interest rates until very recently, but I'm pretty sure I picked up the "money and love don't mix" lesson in the schoolyard a long time ago.
But then one day, at the end of my tether, I tentatively said yes. But before I accepted the cheque, I wrote up a detailed document giving both of us opportunities to back out of the agreement at any time, as well as a payment schedule. People, if you saw our agreement, you would assume that I took a detour to law school at some point. I mean, there were places where we had to INITIAL things!
This was the deal: He would give me an interest free loan to pay off my line of credit. I would pay him a small amount every month, so I could concentrate the majority of my money on my bigger loans. When I'm done with the loans, I can make larger payments on what I still owe him.
It was a major turning point for me. Not only has my line of credit remained at $0 since then, but I was finally able to see the light. And I've never missed a single payment to him. And, as far as benefactors go, he's a dream. He never bats an eye if I come home from Joe Fresh with a new $8 t-shirt and he never makes me feel bad if I slip-up. (Except when I buy those pricey chai lattes! That one just sticks in his craw for some reason.)
Now some of you might be wondering why he doesn't just pay it all off for me. Since my future is his future and vice versa, wouldn't it make sense? And there's only one answer to that question: Absolutely Not. He had his own student loans and he struggled through his own payments, so why should he have to take on mine? Sometimes I'm pretty sure that he thinks that I think he should pay off all my loans. But here's the absolute truth:
I got myself into this mess and I want to get myself out. I like to imagine myself as a strong, independent, smart woman who did something dumb. And being a strong, independent, smart woman, I am more than capable of fixing it.
Now, that's not to say that I don't reserve the right to daydream that some wealthy relative that I've never heard of will pass away peacefully in her sleep and suddenly leave me thousands of dollars! (That is only one of my far-fetched money fantasies.) But in the meantime, I just keep making payments and imagine the day when it will finally all be gone. And how good I will feel about myself when that day comes.
Anyway, my point of this entry was to admit to all of you that I'm not entirely alone on this road to financial freedom. Someone did offer me some much-needed help along the way. And I'm not only grateful, but so glad that I took it.
Today's expenditure was all about groceries and some wine, because we're having friends over for dinner tonight. WAY cheaper than going out to eat!
Total debt: $11, 000 and change
Spent today: $51 and change
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