Confession Time

Here's the truth: No one ever taught me about money.

I got my first job at 11 years old delivering flyers for the aptly named Flyer Force. Yes, I filled mailboxes with junk mail. In fact, I even spent about six months dumping my flyers in a gorge in the woods (along with all the other kids in town) rather than delivering them. Sadly, that's still the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I really have to work on cultivating my dark side.

Anyway, the point is that I got a paycheck every two weeks. And what did I do with that paycheck? Well, I developed a meaningful relationship with the mall. And magazines. Glossy magazines full of pretty women in stylish clothes.

So, when I graduated to wearing a turquoise visor while serving sandwiches at an orange-tiled restaurant called Pic-Nic, I started spending those paychecks on clothes. It was 1990, so I'm fairly certain I purchased a pair of stirrup pants or two with some of that money.

And when I finally hit the motherload - namely a job as a sales associate at Suzy Shier - I used those paychecks to pay for the clothes that I got at 20 percent off. At no point during this, my early contributions to society, did anyone say to me: "Tammy, you should really consider saving some of that money, because one day you're going to want to go away to school. And school costs a lot of money. And we're not going to pay for it."

Okay, it's true. I blame my parents. There are many things that I have forgiven them for, such as not enrolling me in dance as a child, giving away my barbies when I hadn't even turned ten yet, and multiple home perms, but this one I can't let go of. How was I magically supposed to know that three years of college was going to cost me $15,000?

The best part? My diploma was in MUSIC THEATRE PERFORMANCE!

Can you hear me sigh? It's a bittersweet sigh, full of happy memories and very few loan payments. I performed professionally - meaning tours of children's shows, summerstock and a stint on a cruise ship - for five years. Leaving that life was a huge decision, but let's not get into that right now. When I finally walked away, after that rather lucrative, sequined job on the ship, I still had about $7000 left on those loans. Five years later!

Here we insert the REALLY dumb portion of my financial life. The two years that I worked as a receptionist/admin assistant for a unionized arts organization. I have no good excuse for this phase. Fact is, I was making a decent amount of money and living in a dirt cheap apartment. I also still had that love of glossy magazines and pretty clothes. Plus a well-exercised credit card. Or two.

Let's fast-forward, shall we? In 2004 I went back to school for a one year post grad degree in Book and Magazine Publishing. (I thought I could translate my love of glossy mags into a job at a glossy mag.) To do so, I reopened my original loan PLUS I borrowed another $9000. Now, if you're chuckling to yourself, it's because you know how piddly starting wages are in the publishing world. WHY am I so stubborn as to follow my passions? When will I start following the money!?

This brings us to now. I am almost three years into my publishing career and I've managed to pay off some of the debt. (Thanks, in part, to a lovely and generous boyfriend who has provided me with an interest-free loan for a big chunk of what I owe.) My current bank debt is...drum roll please... $11, 270.90. Currently my budget (Yes! I finally learned to budget!!) has me paying $800 a month on that debt. A handy student loan calculator tells me that I should be able to pay that off in 1 year and 3 months. I'm hoping I can do it by the end of 2008.

How, you ask?

Well, luckily I have something I can sell! Pretty sentences. Yes, I do my best to pick up freelance writing gigs whenever possible. Sometimes I just need a bit of motivation and inspiration when it comes to ideas.

I also need to make sure I stick to my budget, for better or for worse. Which is partly where the blog comes in. I'm hoping that writing about my wants will stop me from actually giving in to them. Everything from a new pair of boots to the insanely priced, but oh-so-yummy chai lattes at Starbucks.

Why do I care so much about getting rid of this debt? Basically, I've finally found a career and a guy that I'm ready to grow old with. And I want all the things that are supposed to happen after those two things fall into place. But, for the first time in my life, I don't want to rush blindly ahead without thinking about what I will need once I get there.

So, here goes...