Cat's out of the bag!

Okay, so the real reason that I haven't been blogging of late is because I've had a secret. And I suck at secrets! Even really happy secrets are hard for me not to talk about. So rather than blog about other stuff, when all I could really think about was my secret, I just avoided blogging altogether.

But you guys, I totally missed it!

The good news is that I am BACK! And the even better news is that I'm finally able to share my secret:

That's right! Baby on board! Bun in the oven! Barefoot and pregnant!

Pregnant. Wow. Weird. And awesome. But oh so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

I am a true optimist. (Although also a bit of a conspiracy theorist, which doesn't really compute.) My natural inclination is to assume that everything is going to be easy and run smoothly. But sometimes a healthy dose of pessimism would better prepare me for how things actually turn out.

Here's the thing: I know I didn't have it nearly as bad as lots and lots of women in my first trimester! One friend told me she was so sick and tired that she would crawl home from work, climb in bed and go right to sleep. At some point her husband would wake her up and feed her a bit of food and then she'd go right back to sleep until morning. Mine was not that bad!

But I did have lots of days where I was barely dragging myself around, with lots of fatigue and a whole digestive system that decided it wasn't going to work. There were evenings where I wished it was winter, so the sun would set early and I could justify going to bed before 7 p.m. Lots and lots of lying around feeling sick, unable to really do anything.

Yes, I'm complaining a bit, but that doesn't mean for a second that I'm not over-the-moon happy about my current state! I really, really, really am. It's just that the first trimester was very trying and I'm still coming out of that and into the light.

Another friend who recently had a baby said that she found the first trimester very isolating, because you're encouraged not to spread the word too much and you don't see any doctors. I am so glad she said this to me early on, because then I didn't feel alone in my isolation. I definitely had an incredible support system of both family and friends who knew what was going on, but the lack of medical intervention is sort of amazing. I mean, you're growing a human being, but after the initial trip to your regular doctor to confirm the pregnancy, you're left to your own devices to hope that everything inside is progressing as it should.

Then, about a week and a half ago, we finally had our first ultrasound. I was SO excited and then SO freaked out by the stony-faced technician. First she chastised me for not having a full bladder (How was I to know!?!) and then she was quiet for so long that I was sure something was wrong. Finally, the first thing she said was, "I only see one baby." And in my head I was all, "YOU SEE A BABY!!!"

In the end it was pretty amazing. The Husband watched the screen the whole time and he said he could see the baby wiggling around in there. And then I got to see the pictures, which was so cool. Because there are a lot of moments during the first trimester where you find yourself starting to question if it isn't all in your head. If there isn't actually a baby in there. But there is. Huzzah!

Anyway, I guess this blog will morph into a bit of a baby blog now. Consider yourself forewarned if that's not what you want to read! Although it will also be my San Francisco travel blog for the next week. The Husband has to work long days the whole time we're there, so I will roam the city with my trusty camera and share my explorations with all of you.

Oh! It feels so good to blog again. And to get the secret out!